ALL I WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS...

...was a dog. When can I be grown-up enough to have one, Santa? (Here's my brother's dog - sound the 'cute animal in festive headgear gnawing on a candy cane' klaxon.)

BEACH TOMATO

Online beach lovers Beach Tomato finally flung open the doors to their shack of treasures last week, and oh what treasures they hold. All out of my price range and all unsuitable for the Arctic climes I'll be subjected to the foreseeable future but who cares because THEY PHOTOSHOPPED CUTE ANIMALS OVER THE MODELS' FACES. As well as giving you an animal fix at the same time as an online retail fix, it solves the age old problem of 'am I buying this garment because I like it or because I like the model's smokin' hot face?'

Well done Beach Tomato, well done you. 

 

p.s. the real pale girl? That's my friend Holly. She's the same colour as I like my tea, for future reference. (And half a sugar or some agave syrup if you have any.)

CHRISTOPHER KANE X J BRAND

Oh holy mother of fluoro, I just found the dream items for my wardrobe in the warmer months of 2012. Good old Christopher Kane has only gone and collaborated with those yanky J Brand kids and made a bloomin' neon line. I make no secret of the fact that as soon as the sun comes out and my skin is more Dairy Milk than Milky Bar, I'm all over tie-dye and brights. All. Over.

The collab has jackets, it has flared jeans but oh my, these shorts, THESE SHORTS. Need.

Shorts, £175, Christopher Kane at Net-A-Porter

Shorts, £175, Christopher Kane at Net-A-Porter

I've seen these beauties in yellow in Glamour mag but they're only available in this colour in the longer biker short. Which let's face it, isn't a style that flatters anyone. So come on Chrissy Kane, make my dreams come true and bring them out in the yellow. (As if I can afford this shit, I'll be buying the Topshop rip-offs.)

MINCE PIE IN THE SKY: STARBUCKS

So I like to think I'm something of a mince pie connoisseur. I mean, I eat enough. And I am the daughter of a woman who makes amazing ones, so really, I'm an expert. I could do a degree in mince pie and probably do better in it than the one I did in English. So I've decided to review every pie that comes my way this festive season. As I have nothing better to do. God, I love pie.

Starbucks in Tunbridge Wells, £1.55 FREE
I won't lie, I don't even like Starbucks that much - ever since they took away the black cherry syrup two Christmases ago, I've been a Nero girl. However, their offer today of a free mince pie with any festive drink was too much temptation. (Though I discovered I don't particularly like any of their festive drinks. They're all a bit rich. And gross. Nice red cups though.)

The pastry was deeeeeee-lish and tasted pretty homemade. Any of you who ever worked as a wine girl at the Lucas World of Furniture would have compared the pastry to that of the buttery apple pies from Matozzas we used to scoff serve. This was a lovely deep pie, although there could have been slightly more mincemeat, and the mincemeat could have been slightly less bland, but what it lacked in these departments, it certainly made up for in presentation. What a pretty star, eh? And what delicately sifted icing sugar. The only thing that put me off was the grease eeking it's way through the paper bag but hey, I was consuming it with a big fat cup of coffee and lard so who was I to give a shit about calories?

Thank you Starbucks. That was nice.

4/5

DOG DISCO

Turn the sound up, shut the lights off and put this on a loop. Things will start to get a liiiiiiiiittle trippy. Enjoy!

SMOKES LIKE AN AMETHYST

Need this ring. I'm obsessed with anything that catches light (hello magpie) so amethyst really is a dream for me. And in ring form? Delicious. Although not too sure about having two fingers stuck together without anything separating them. Can't deal with fingers/toes touching. Makes me fidget.

 

Adina Mills Two Finger Amethyst Ring, $190

Available from Wasteland

WINTER OF DISCONTENT

I can't take the cold. I have a hot water bottle permanently strapped to me and I hate bundling up in clothes. If I could live in a loose, white vest all year round I would, I really would. Summer, please come around soon. Regards, your ever loving friend.

Carlos Nunez via Studded Hearts

FHM GET FOXY

I have a flick through FHM every so often as for some reason we get it delivered to our office along with the women's glossies. Not that I'm complaining, it's funny to see things from the other side. Especially when you're pleasantly surprised by a nicely styled shoot with woodland props. Go on FHM. (We also now have an FHM calendar pinned up on our wall. Totes appropriate.)

All pics FHM January 2012