ALL I WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS...

...was a dog. When can I be grown-up enough to have one, Santa? (Here's my brother's dog - sound the 'cute animal in festive headgear gnawing on a candy cane' klaxon.)

BEACH TOMATO

Online beach lovers Beach Tomato finally flung open the doors to their shack of treasures last week, and oh what treasures they hold. All out of my price range and all unsuitable for the Arctic climes I'll be subjected to the foreseeable future but who cares because THEY PHOTOSHOPPED CUTE ANIMALS OVER THE MODELS' FACES. As well as giving you an animal fix at the same time as an online retail fix, it solves the age old problem of 'am I buying this garment because I like it or because I like the model's smokin' hot face?'

Well done Beach Tomato, well done you. 

 

p.s. the real pale girl? That's my friend Holly. She's the same colour as I like my tea, for future reference. (And half a sugar or some agave syrup if you have any.)

CHRISTOPHER KANE X J BRAND

Oh holy mother of fluoro, I just found the dream items for my wardrobe in the warmer months of 2012. Good old Christopher Kane has only gone and collaborated with those yanky J Brand kids and made a bloomin' neon line. I make no secret of the fact that as soon as the sun comes out and my skin is more Dairy Milk than Milky Bar, I'm all over tie-dye and brights. All. Over.

The collab has jackets, it has flared jeans but oh my, these shorts, THESE SHORTS. Need.

Shorts, £175, Christopher Kane at Net-A-Porter

Shorts, £175, Christopher Kane at Net-A-Porter

I've seen these beauties in yellow in Glamour mag but they're only available in this colour in the longer biker short. Which let's face it, isn't a style that flatters anyone. So come on Chrissy Kane, make my dreams come true and bring them out in the yellow. (As if I can afford this shit, I'll be buying the Topshop rip-offs.)

MINCE PIE IN THE SKY: STARBUCKS

So I like to think I'm something of a mince pie connoisseur. I mean, I eat enough. And I am the daughter of a woman who makes amazing ones, so really, I'm an expert. I could do a degree in mince pie and probably do better in it than the one I did in English. So I've decided to review every pie that comes my way this festive season. As I have nothing better to do. God, I love pie.

Starbucks in Tunbridge Wells, £1.55 FREE
I won't lie, I don't even like Starbucks that much - ever since they took away the black cherry syrup two Christmases ago, I've been a Nero girl. However, their offer today of a free mince pie with any festive drink was too much temptation. (Though I discovered I don't particularly like any of their festive drinks. They're all a bit rich. And gross. Nice red cups though.)

The pastry was deeeeeee-lish and tasted pretty homemade. Any of you who ever worked as a wine girl at the Lucas World of Furniture would have compared the pastry to that of the buttery apple pies from Matozzas we used to scoff serve. This was a lovely deep pie, although there could have been slightly more mincemeat, and the mincemeat could have been slightly less bland, but what it lacked in these departments, it certainly made up for in presentation. What a pretty star, eh? And what delicately sifted icing sugar. The only thing that put me off was the grease eeking it's way through the paper bag but hey, I was consuming it with a big fat cup of coffee and lard so who was I to give a shit about calories?

Thank you Starbucks. That was nice.

4/5

DOG DISCO

Turn the sound up, shut the lights off and put this on a loop. Things will start to get a liiiiiiiiittle trippy. Enjoy!

SMOKES LIKE AN AMETHYST

Need this ring. I'm obsessed with anything that catches light (hello magpie) so amethyst really is a dream for me. And in ring form? Delicious. Although not too sure about having two fingers stuck together without anything separating them. Can't deal with fingers/toes touching. Makes me fidget.

 

Adina Mills Two Finger Amethyst Ring, $190

Available from Wasteland

WINTER OF DISCONTENT

I can't take the cold. I have a hot water bottle permanently strapped to me and I hate bundling up in clothes. If I could live in a loose, white vest all year round I would, I really would. Summer, please come around soon. Regards, your ever loving friend.

Carlos Nunez via Studded Hearts

FHM GET FOXY

I have a flick through FHM every so often as for some reason we get it delivered to our office along with the women's glossies. Not that I'm complaining, it's funny to see things from the other side. Especially when you're pleasantly surprised by a nicely styled shoot with woodland props. Go on FHM. (We also now have an FHM calendar pinned up on our wall. Totes appropriate.)

All pics FHM January 2012

OWL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

via Pete Wentz

PLEASE SANTA, I'VE BIN VERY GOOD THIS YEAR

Seriously, if these bin liners weren't more over-priced than a motorway service station, I'd snap them right up. A bit of Christmas cheer for the Islington council bin men. (But mostly LOLs for me when I empty the bin.)

Christmas Pudding Bin Bags (pack of 12), £12, Urban Outfitters

WHAT DID I DO?

Lovely stuff.

FOXY LOCK-SY

I seem to spend half my time at work convincing my colleague (and dear, dear desk buddy - our computers are so close they're almost one) that she doesn't need another Mulberry bag and no, she cannot spend £1000 on a bag. And then I saw this beast and fell off my (nasty swivel) chair.

My penchant for woodland creatures combined with my fear of small bags means this oversized satchel with fox head lock (A SHITTING FOX HEAD LOCK, I DIE) is up there in my bag dreams. I don't dream in bags (or chocolate, sorry Lindor) but if I did, this bag would be lounging around seductively in them. Sadly I don't have £1,150 and even if I did, I'd have to be drunk to spend it on a bag. I'd be more likely to spend it on crisps. But still, I REALLY REALLY WANT IT. 

Mulberry Fox Lock Oversized Bag

£1,150

Pics: Mulberry, Net-a-porter

PUPPY LOVE

Meet Poppy. My brother's puppy. I love her.

CURL FRIEND

Stumbled across this pic when I was Google imaging something completely unrelated but boy, I'm glad I did. Need her hair. Her legs are also a bit 'spish' as the personal trainer in Davina McCall's workout DVDs might say.

ICONA POP

One of the joys of my job is putting together the release schedule (I lie, it's tedious, very, very tedious) but being the good girl that I am, I always Google any artist whose name I don't recognise. Just in case they're the new teen pop sensation. More often than not, they're not, but I have uncovered some absolute gems for my own personal listening. Most recent of these discoveries was Icona Pop, a Swedish popstrel whose debut Manners should be played to all teens before they embark on any kind of romantic relationship.

JAMES SORRENTINO

One of myself and my colleague's favourite past-times is to browse through the Men's board on the Select website. It's like shopping for boys. We don't do it at work so much anymore after getting caught and being called 'perverts' by one of the designers. But it's still something to do when bored (followed by looking on the Daily Mail website and filling your basket on the Urban Outfitters website then not buying any of it.) So tonight as I twiddled my thumbs, did shots of Lemsip and failed to make a cherry tart due to lack of cherries,  I found myself on the Elite Men's board. And here's who I found. Brace yourself. He's a Class A babe. HI JAMES SORRENTINO!

Swoon town. Serious.

STOMP STOMP I'VE ARRIVED

So I walked about 2 miles from Charing Cross station last night so I could check out the brand spanking new Monki concession in Selfridges...and was bitterly disappointed. The amazing long-sleeved peach knit maxi and perfectly-hanging white crop tee my Danish friend Camilla got me a couple of years ago had me all hyped up for this brand but they didn't deliver yesterday. Except for these bad boys...

Boots, £60, Monki

They're the type of boot I'd have stomped around in when I was 16, trying to get into bars with my 10 year-old face and 12 year-old body. And my taste has come full circle - I WANT THEMMMMMMMMM. Look at them. Beauts. Absolute beauts. 

BENJAMIN FRANCIS LEFTWICH

Sometimes musicians come along that truly take your breath away - Benjamin is one of them. I've only recently discovered him and am so excited to be seeing him play at a special Oxfam gig. He makes beautiful, melancholy, sleepy music that makes me want to curl up to sleep on a faux fur throw in front of a dying fire whilst someone plaits my hair. Dreamy.



His debut album Last Smoke Before the Snowstorm is out now.

THE BREAKFAST CLUB

So I just added The Breakfast Club to my 'films I really should have seen by now and people gasp when I say I haven't but I finally watched it like right now' list. I liked it for three reasons - the character of Allison, the constant use of everyone's favourite Simple Minds track and Claire's pearlescent rose nail varnish. Dreamy.

I liked her before the makeover. That hair was a bird-tastic dream. And such lovely kohl-lined peepers. Ah well. We all have to change to get kissed by the jock. (They could've found a hotter jock, I mean, I fancied the geek the most out of all of them.)

Check those nails! Used to buy similar pearly polish from Bob and Pat's in Aylesbury when I was but a pre-pubescent teen experimenting with being all girly and shit.

PIGEON PARTY

God I love TFL's carnival posters. I was genuinely mega happy when I saw they'd brought them back this year. Of course, it would be more realistic if the pigeon-parrot was clutching a can of Red Stripe and slipping on some rogue curried goat but hey, you can't have everything.

KRISTEN 'LI-LO' STEWART

Look at Bella - sorry - Kristen looking all sexed up for W mag! Photoshopped to fuck, granted (so much so that she bears more than a passing resemblance to flame-haired reprobate Lindsay Lohan) but whatevs, she looks hot. And that's what it's all about, right? (Right?)

 

ABIGAIL AHERN

I've found my dream lamp. Actually I haven't - my dream lamp would be a floor version of this (this is a table lamp). But it's a start. Oh Abigail Ahern, it's like you crept into my dreams and recreated something special. Yeah yeah, most people fall in love with other people - I fall in love with animal-themed homeware, a'ight?

Poodle lamp, £195, Abigail Ahern

Her pelican lamps come pretty high up on my list of 'needs' as well.

All lamps by Abigail Ahern

METRONOMY - THE BAY (EROL ALKAN'S EXTENDED REWORK)

So I already loved this but when Erol Alkan dropped it at yesterday's Field Day it sounded so goooooooooooooood. Only gripe I have is that he was on at 6pm. Whoever drew up the schedule for yesterday did a pretty shit job. Willy Mason at 12.30pm? Really? I was still eating my (second) breakfast then. Wah.

LIMA LOVE

Adriana Lima is a babe on wheels and that is all. Even with a name so similar to a dullsville boys name. LOOK AT THOSE TEEF. (If your gaze was transfixed a little lower than her teeth, there's really nothing of interest for you on the rest of my blog. Sozzles bebs.)

via Little Plastic Horses

A WOLF IN GIRL'S CLOTHING

Stumbled across this post on What's in Your Bedroom when I was wasting my life on wandering the net last night and immediately fell in love with this wolf hanger. So many of my dresses that I buy in the hope of having an occasion to wear them (WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET MARRIED FOR FUCK'S SAKE?) would look great displayed on a wolf on my cracked bedroom wall.

This 'bedroom' is actually a display created in the window of Oxfam Dalston, by the What's in Your Bedroom blog creator Olivia Howitt. It was done last year however, so all hopes of me obtaining this wide-eyed deer are lost. Weep.